Whenever something went wrong in my life ( like the the other day when the auto rickshaw i was travelling in fell into a pothole giving me a cervical disc prolapse), I could almost always find someone to blame for it.

I would direct my resentment towards the people around me for screwing my life up. And the people who end up suffering at my hands are often the people I love the most. I would say mean things and indirectly point an incriminating finger at my unsuspecting loved ones.

This was my way of expressing my sadness, my frustration, my helplessness.
And after stewing in my misery for a few days, i would forget and the incident would fade into memory.

In my journey of working on myself and growing as a person, there are certain things I’ve now learned that help me deal better with the unavoidable maladies of life.
The easiest thing to do when you’re hurting is to put the blame on someone else. And in some twisted way, it feels good-  to unleash those demons haunting you with their incessant chants of – ‘WHY ME ?’.

In the book “Art of Possibility” – by Rosamund and Benjamin Zander, I was introduced to a new concept.

“Grace comes from owning the risks we take in a world by and large immune to our control”.

For example, I can choose to own my responsibility in this entire fiasco.
There is always the statistical possibility of falling into a pothole in India when its raining cats and dogs.

When I step out on the road, it is a risk I must take. There might be a drunk driver or a pothole or a person crossing the road carelessly.
In my situation, I can assign the blame to the auto driver who drove without due care or the sorry state of roads in the place I live in or even my husband who brought me to Vellore.
But then all I can do is be angry and indignant at my misfortune.
I cannot focus on how I can do an isometric neck strengthening exercise or try and book a cab hereon.

When you blame someone else for the situation you are in ( even if they are to blame), you lose the opportunity to respond in a cerebral manner.

Adopting a mindset where we see ourselves as the creators of our experiences rather than victims gives us the headspace to reroute and move forward.

To accept with grace and move on instead of blaming external circumstances, we must take responsibility for how we respond to situations. 
Only then can we transform mishaps into manageables.
Maybe the old adage of-
‘When you point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you’, was good advice after all.