At the age of twelve, a ‘friendly’ neighbourhood auntie once asked me if I felt sad that I wasn’t pretty. Up until that point in time, I hadn’t given much thought to how pretty I was or was not compared to an imaginary gold standard. Its really heartbreaking how a tiny comment (often disguised as concern) can plant a seed of insecurity in a young child’s mind.
Being a young girl with a reasonably good sense of self-worth, I just concluded that this particular person commenting on me was just “weird/stupid” to have talked the way she did.
Two decades later, as a Dermatologist I see these beautiful young girls come to me with a rather distorted self-image. They ask me for creams to whiten their armpits and privates; as if the normal pigmentation in these areas is something to be ashamed of. When I tell them that this is how Indian skin looks in the body folds, they seem incredulous.
Surrounded by tantalizing images of women with flawlessly fair skin flaunting their perfectly toned abs, it is no wonder we have started internalizing this bizarre ideal of what pretty looks like.
And what’s worse is that we inculcate these made-up virtues in little girls – dressing them up in clothes that are more pleasing to others than are comfortable to them.
Generations of women have passed away thinking they weren’t good enough because their bodies weren’t hourglass or feet werent ladylike.
In a world which has always been patriarchal, there is an inbuilt tendency to think that matching up to the contemporary notions of beauty is what truly makes a woman valuable (as a potential bride).
The father of an 18 month old baby girl asks me to whiten his daughter’s skin so she could have better marriage prospects in the future.
A woman in her early forties cries as she tells me how her husband left her because she had pigmentation on the face that wouldn’t fade.
Even at a time when robots perform complex surgeries and AI drives cars – this thinking still lives.
And it will continue to live forever if we do not speak up.
For ourselves.
For the little girl who gets told that she isn’t pretty.
Maybe I can look in the mirror today and tell myself – Yes, I am beautiful !
That lady was weird AND stupid to talk like that! 😡
Hihi😂
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Really enjoying your insightful posts…Looking forward to more 😇
Thankyou so much!
She is not able to accept that you are beautiful inside and out. Amazing explanation Shilpa